From Whisper to Warrior: Finding Your Voice in Hard Conversations

Based on Rule Two from Jefferson Fisher’s communication guide, The Next Conversation

By now, you’ve probably realized that most hard conversations aren’t about what you say, but how you show up when you say it.

In our last post, we walked through Rule One: Say It with Control, and learned that a grounding breath, body check, and calm tone can set the stage for the conversation you want.

Now it’s time for the next move:

Rule Two: Say It with Confidence.
Not arrogance. Not aggression. Just calm, clear, and grounded confidence.
(The kind that makes people stop and really listen.)

Confidence Starts in Your Posture, Not Just Your Voice

Jefferson’s Advice: Before you speak confidently, your body needs to believe you.

Jefferson reminds us that people respond to more than words; they also respond to energy. If your voice is saying “I’m fine,” but your arms are crossed and you’re fidgeting, your message gets lost.

Instead of going in tense, try this:

• Roll your shoulders back
  
  

• Uncross your arms
  
  

• Plant your feet

• Breathe from your belly

• Then speak. That open posture naturally supports a confident tone.

Use Fewer Words, Not More

Jefferson’s Advice: Confidence doesn’t ramble. It lands.

When we’re nervous, we tend to over-explain. We pad our points. We apologize for existing. But confidence speaks in short, calm sentences that give people room to process and respond. Remember: The more you speak, the less they hear.

Instead of over-explaining, try this:

• Instead of: “I’m really sorry, I don’t mean to sound harsh, but maybe if you want, we could try something different...?”
  
  

• Say: “This isn’t working for me. I’d like to try something different.”
  
  

Less fluff means more clarity and a stronger impact.

Trust Your Message—You Have the Right to Speak

Jefferson’s Advice: Confidence doesn’t require certainty. Just self-respect.

Confidence doesn’t mean you’re 100% sure of everything. It means you believe your voice matters, even when the outcome is uncertain.

Instead of dancing around your point, try this:

• “Here’s how I see it.”
  
  

• “This is important to me.”
  
  

• “I’m open to hearing your side, but I need you to hear mine first.”
  
  

You’re not asking permission. You’re showing up with presence.

Watch Out for “Permission Phrases”

Jefferson’s Advice: Speak from ownership, not apology.

Jefferson calls out how often we water down our communication with what he calls “permission phrases.” You know the ones:

• “Does that make sense?”
  
  

• “I could be wrong, but…”
  
  

• “I’m just thinking out loud…”
  
  

• “Sorry, I’m probably overthinking this…”
  
  

These little phrases quietly undermine your message and signal uncertainty, even when your point is valid.

Instead of apologizing, try this:
Catch yourself and reframe:

• “Here’s what I think.”
  
  

• “I’m confident in this perspective.”
  
  

• “Let’s explore this more.”
  
  

It’s not about steamrolling. It’s about standing in your voice.

Real-Life Scenario: The Passive Parent Moment

Let’s say your child is pushing every limit and ignoring every rule. You're trying to stay calm, but your words are coming out like soft suggestions:

“Honey, could you please not hit your sister again?”
“Maybe let’s take a little break now?”

Try saying it with confidence:

“Hitting is not okay. We need to take a break now. We’ll talk after we’ve both calmed down.”

You don’t need to yell. You just need to lead.

Takeaway

“Say It with Confidence” isn’t about being forceful. It’s about trusting that your thoughts, needs, and boundaries deserve space in the room.

When you:

• Speak calmly
  
  

• Stand tall
  
  

• Keep it clear
  
  

• And own your message
  
  

…you model what respectful self-expression looks like. For your kids, the people around you, your partner, and yourself.

You don’t have to force your voice to be loud. You just have to let it be true.

NEXT UP: SAY IT WITH CURIOSITY