Let’s Call a “Parley”: A Pause Button for Heated Conversations

We’ve all been there— that moment in a disagreement where things are spiraling. Words are flying, no one’s really listening, and suddenly you’re saying things you don’t mean just to win or escape.

But what if, instead of pushing forward, you could raise a metaphorical white flag and say:
“Let’s parley.”

Yep, parley—like in pirate movies. A truce…a pause…a moment to stop the emotional storm and talk like humans again.

But here’s the thing: this isn’t about drama or pirates. This is about healthy communication, emotional maturity, and restoring connection when conflict heats up.

What Is a Parley?

A parley is a mutually agreed-upon pause in a disagreement. It’s not about avoiding the issue, but rather about creating the space to cool down so you can re-enter the conversation with curiosity, compassion, and clarity.

It’s not:

• A way to shut someone down
  
  

• A power move
  
  

• A “win” in disguise
  
  

It is:

• A shared reset
  
  

• A show of respect
  
  

• A tool to protect the relationship
  
  

Why Parley Works

When emotions run high, our brains often shift from logic to survival mode (fight or flight). In that state, it’s hard to be kind, rational, or even hear what the other person is saying.

A parley gives you:

• Time to regulate your nervous system
  
  

• Space to reflect instead of react
  
  

• A signal that the relationship matters more than being right
  
  

And when both people honor that pause, healing happens.

How to Use a Parley in Real Life

Here’s how you can call for a parley without sounding like you’ve stepped out of a pirate ship:

Use a cue word or phrase
Choose a word that both people agree means “Let’s pause and reset.” “Parley” can be playful but effective!

“Can we call a parley?”
“I need a reset—can we pause?”
“This matters to me. Can we take a breather and revisit it in 10?”

Step away—don’t storm off
Let the other person know you’re not avoiding. You’re investing.

“I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t want to say something I regret. I’ll be back in 15 minutes.”

Do something regulating
Deep breathing, a short walk, journaling, or sipping water. Anything to ground you.

Return with intention
Come back when you’re ready to listen and repair. Not to win.

“Thanks for giving me space. I want to hear you and work through this together.”

Tips for Making “Parley” Work

Talk about it before you need it. Agree ahead of time that “parley” means pause, not punishment.
Respect the signal. When someone calls it, both people step back.
Don’t use it to avoid. Make a plan to return to the conversation.
Model it for your kids. Teach them that taking space is healthy, not rude.

Why It Matters

Using a “parley” shows that:

• You value the relationship more than being right
  
  

• You’re aware of your emotions and taking responsibility
  
  

• You’re choosing repair over reaction
  
  

And that’s pretty stinkin’ powerful.

It also invites the other person to meet you in a space of safety and mutual care. A place where real communication can happen.

Takeaway

Conflict is part of being human. But it doesn’t have to mean disconnection, hurt, or regret.

So, next time things get heated, don’t power through. Call a parley.
Take the pause. Breathe. Come back with open ears and a softer heart.

Because strong relationships aren’t built on never fighting. They’re built on knowing how to pause, repair, and grow together.